A traveling salesman knocked on the door of a farmhouse, way out in the country. A farmer answered the door, and the salesman quickly said, “I can help you improve your farm’s productivity because I can talk to animals. I’ll ask them what you can change or stop doing to make them more productive.”

“Get out of here”, replied the farmer. “No one can talk to animals. He started shutting the door but the salesman stopped him, saying, “Wait, I can prove it to you….Let’s go to your chicken coop, and I’ll tell you what’s bothering the chickens”

The farmer figured this was ridiculous, but he was also curious, so said sarcastically, “Alright buddy.....let’s see you talk to the chickens.”

So they go to the chicken coop, open the door, walk in, and the salesman starts making all these strange clucking noises and flapping his arms around, and that sets the chickens off. Pretty soon they’re all making a racket too. The farmer thinks, “this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen." Then he says, "So tell me, what did the chickens have to say?”

The salesman looks him right in the eye, smiles, and says, “the chickens say about two weeks ago you moved this coop from up by the barn to down here by the woods, and there are coyotes in these woods. They’re nervous the coyotes will break in and eat them, because you’ve also started keeping the farm dogs inside at night. If you move the coop back where it was they’ll be less bothered and lay more eggs.”

Holy shit,” thinks the farmer. That’s all true….”OK", he says, "that was impressive but I can’t believe it. It has to be a lucky guess. Animals can’t talk and tell stories.”

"I’ll show you again, this time with the cows", says the salesman. So they go down in the pasture, and he starts making all sorts of mooing noises, and sure enough, the cows start gathering and mooing up a storm. The salesman turns to the farmer. “You changed their feed a few weeks ago and they don’t like it as much. Gives them indigestion. Switch back to the old recipe and they’ll produce more milk.”

The farmer is really impressed now, the bit about the feed being correct, so he says, “this is incredible....but you just gave me all these great tips for free. So why would I pay you any money now?" 

The salesman looked at him, smiled, and said, “we’ll talk to the sheep next.”

The farmer turns white and says loudly. “No. Don’t talk to them. All sheep are liars.”

The salesman grins and says, “that’ll be $500 please”.